What I Wish MyChart Notifications Told Me

WHATNEXT is proud to present this article that was written by and shared with permission from Amanda Tucker, a metastatic TNBC patient. Amanda originally shared her story at Elephants & Tea, the only magazine written for and by the AYA cancer community telling their story in their own words.

I wish someone told me that doing my best each day is enough. I don’t have to be some superhero and maintain the capacity I had before cancer crept into my life. It’s unreasonable to expect myself to be able to do it all while fighting for my life each day. Some days, getting up and walking to the mailbox is all I can handle, and that’s okay. Other days I’ll feel well enough to explore while traveling, dance at concerts, and jog while hiking. Today and tomorrow may look different, and that’s alright. A friend I met in a support group recently gave me the best advice I’ve gotten since diagnosis. She told me that sometimes all you have in you is enough to make it to tomorrow, and that’s a beautiful thing to be proud of. I wish that the words “it’s okay to do your best, just take it one day at a time” appeared right after the words “carcinoma” in the first MyChart notification that changed my life.

I wish someone told me that there’s no award for doing this in pain. My previous experiences painted this image of a cancer patient as a strong, resilient, individual who muscled through the pain and never complained, wearing the pain like a badge of honor for being so tough and “fighting” this disease with gloves that matched the color of their cancer’s ribbon. For a while, I tried to muscle through the side effects and take no medicines to help ease the pain and discomfort. My quality of life changed dramatically when I realized that taking the supportive medicines didn’t make me weak or a failure, it was a smart choice to lessen the stress on my body so it could do what needs to be done. My care team has consistently reminded me that taking the medicines to manage side effects and pain is a good thing and something that I should be doing. Getting through the day is much easier when I’m not nauseous around the clock, so I take the medicine. It’s much easier when I’m not spending hours in the restroom, so I take the medicine. It’s much easier when my mets aren’t causing me pain that takes my breath away, so I take the medicine. I wish the words “this is going to be hard enough, don’t try to get through this without the supportive medicines and live in pain” appeared right after the words “suspected lung metastases” in the second MyChart notification that changed my life.

I wish someone told me that when people offer to help, it means they really want to help. I’ve always heard people say “it takes a village” when referring to getting through hard times but thought I could get through all of the hard things in my life alone. Not wanting to burden those around me, I often put on a “everything’s fine” smile and declined support even when it was needed. Since diagnosis, I’ve been blown away by how much my closest friends and family have shown up and helped me weather this storm that is never ending. When my friend offered to watch my dog, she wasn’t just doing it because it was the right thing to do, she really meant that she wanted to watch my dog when I had the energy to cross things off my bucket list. Taking her up on the offer has allowed me the freedom to enjoy a weekend in the mountains seeing the trees change colors with my husband, be part of my sister’s engagement on the beach, and see a concert that left me without a voice and sore feet from dancing so much. When my sister offered to clean my apartment and cook for me while I was in treatment, she really meant it. I was able to come home after treatment to warm soup and clean sheets, a truly comforting feeling. When a friend who lived across the country asked what sorts of foods were palatable on treatment and send me a grocery order of fresh fruit, she was happy to take care of me in a small but meaningful way. Accepting that sometimes I’ll need things from people, and that’s okay, has helped me to say yes when the old me would have said “everything’s fine” and declined. I wish that the words “please let people help you and stop trying to do this alone” appeared right after the words “innumerable brain metastases” in the third MyChart notification that changed my life.

For now, I’m hoping there will be no more life changing MyChart notifications in my future, but if there will be, I aim to be kind to myself as I read them and continue on this journey.

Source: Elephants & Tea

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Last modified: March 17, 2025